Over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to exercise and eat better… with admittedly mixed results. I’ve tried to cut out as much soft drink (or “soda” for you, Americans) as possible and just drink water because that’s what healthy people do, right? And then there’s also trying to eat like a responsible adult and going to the gym.
Me going to the gym is always a hilarious sight. I’m usually surrounded by gloriously healthy people lifting weights heavier than I am on Christmas Day and barely breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, I’m convulsing in the corner because I can’t breathe, hair is sticking up in every direction known to man, I’m red as a tomato and have sweat cascading out of my pores as if they’re trying to compete with Niagara Falls. It’s not my finest look.
Admittedly my health kick suffers most when McDonalds and KFC launch into the great nugget war (24 nuggets for $9.95?!!! Sign me the hell up). I mean, come on, who doesn’t love cheap nuggets in large quantities? It is actually the best thing to EVER come from those two fast food enterprises… even though it is, in theory, a share box (PPFFFFT!!!!). For the record, KFC’s nuggets are far superior, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on.
But seriously though, I still have no clue as to what is a practical means to the whole “get fit lose weight” thing. I’ve started an exercise regime by Kayla Itsines, the “SWEAT” program… and my good lord the name is not false advertising! I’m still in pain from the first freaking leg day session! But… no pain no gain… right? All in the name of #fitness. So. Many. Dang. Squats. But actually though, I’m hurting in places I didn’t think could actually hurt!! Im such a gym noob.
In an attempt to make the time go faster in a cardio session I even watched an episode of “Married at First Sight”… desperate times call for desperate measures right? I’m not gonna lie though, I am a lowkey sucker for crappy reality television (It says in my blog header that I’m a piece of trash okay?!). I still got off that cycling machine mid-episode and, as quickly as I could, when the air horn blasted from the sweat app saying “you’ve done enough cardio” I hobbled to the refuge of my getaway car.
Then comes the struggle of food. Yeah I get it, you get told to eat less and drink water and basically restrict yourself to a few lettuce leaves a day. So not my style… I like food too much! But everything in moderation, right? I have been drinking heaps more water nowadays which has been good, I will admit… I still have my moments of weakness for a coke or a Pepsi or whatever. At least let me post my aesthetically pleasing smoothie bowls in peace. I don’t mind a nice salad or other healthy things but when it comes down to it… do you seriously expect me to choose a salad instead of a burger with bacon on it when I’m out and about? #unrealisticexpectations am I right?!
Fingers crossed that somewhere in this inferno of madness that I get some of this right. Now let me at that 24 pack of nuggets while I try to motivate myself that I’ll work it off later (hah… yeah right). Thank god the nugget wars are only once or twice a year or I’d actually balloon to the size of the moon… hah! I did the rhyming thing! I’ll stop there…
“My favourite machine at the gym is the television” – unknown (but I dig it!)