Crazy Plant Lady

So based upon my Instagram feed it’s fairly well established that I have a slight obsession with collecting succulents and cacti. As a self-branded “plant mama” I take this very seriously.

Each one of my plants has a name, and I love each one. I would have no clue as to what species each one is, but I love how unique they are. The succulents I currently have are named Jerry, Marcus Aurelius, Cleopatra, Zeus and Galileo (*bursts into Bohemian Rhapsody*).

My cacti have slightly more amusing names… Gordon Ramsay (to match his namesake’s prickly personality) and the glorious Cactus Everdeen, a gift from my best friend who is a sucker for a good pun. Would also note – never try to re-pot a cactus without gloves… 0/10 would not recommend.

My mad plant collection got to the point where my sister commented on the fact that my plants were overrunning the verandah to a slightly out of control level. So the logical thing for me to do was go on a Kmart rampage and buy a shelving system specifically for my plants (you thought I was going to say give some of them up, weren’t you? Heartless sod).

So now they sit on their specified shelf on the verandah and soak up the sun when it gets low in the afternoons. I’m sure you’re probably wondering if the reason I have plants is purely for my Instagram feed and for the #aesthetics. Whilst I do find the plants cute and very pretty, I do honestly thoroughly enjoy having them and looking after them.

I’m that guy who uses their names in everyday conversation and expects you to know what/who I’m talking about. Apparently according to science plants do actually notice when you’re talking to them, so at least I don’t look like a total nutter when I’m asking Zeus how he’s feeling today… #becausescience.

So basically I own the fact that I have strange relationships with my plants and try to match them with pots that reflect their personalities. In addition, in all of this Marie Kondo madness, I can absolutely say without doubt that all of my plant babies “spark joy” for me every day. I never said I wasn’t a trashy plant mama, and I never will deny it.

This weekend there is a food festival in town, and when I went to last year’s festival I may have returned with the second plant in my collection, Gordon Ramsay the Cactus. I am fully prepared for the reality that I will probably leave the festival with a full belly and in possession of succulent/cactus number 8, name pending.

Also apparently the way to revive a cactus is to drown it. #protip


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